I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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