dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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