i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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