I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
