ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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