his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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