i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
