I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
