Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
