Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
