I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
