Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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