i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
soo... how was my night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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