I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
