is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
