Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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