I wannas sexs uuuuu
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
