After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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