Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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