I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
