Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
