guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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