Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
