im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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