Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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