I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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