Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.