New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet