i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
