bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.