What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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