Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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