You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
