he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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