Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
