You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
