no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
