I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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