umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
