I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
