my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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