fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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