I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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