So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
