looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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