Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
