rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
