Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
