Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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