Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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