u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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