Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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