i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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