They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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