my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
