Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I look better un-naked...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
