Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
