Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
