friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
