my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
