I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
