You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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