he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
