he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
