I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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