there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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