moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
