No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
