Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
