So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
