Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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