She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
