Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
