He uses pillows to masturbate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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