So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
